IV Revision Journal, Part 3
More comments on modifying the text of my philosophy:
Economics section: I integrated the material from the numbered list into the surrounding paragraph. Two of the seven “desired results” of economies were deleted. First was #3, “Anyone should be able to make inventions and improvements in any part of life.” It seemed to imply that one should have access to another’s personal property or proprietary information. Second to go was #5, “The correct person(s) should be responsible for what goes right and wrong.” Given the updated explanation of how people should get what they deserve, I thought it was redundant. Changed some of the wording in all three paragraphs.
The introduction: Yes, I looked at the intro and conclusion last, after having written all the content. I’ve always thought they’re both overrated in writing, but hopefully they’ll be of some use here. Anyways, just some wording changes again, much of it to fit the new direction of focusing on goodness first
The conclusion: I hate conclusions where I just repeat myself, so I tried something a little different here. The whole “IV gives me peace” thing probably sounds cheesy, but I really mean it. Most of it stayed. Again, a few changes to fit the switch away from portraying culture as some malevolent force.
I am also putting online the Microsoft Word file I used to revise the document. It should have all the changes tracked in red type. I’m still not done revising—I must take some time off and review it with fresh eyes again—but I’m going to put the new version up now anyways. Its wording and content is much better than what I had. I hope to have it completely satisfactory by 2007.
Last, I changed my slogan from “Your life. Your values.” to “Your mind. Your values.” It’s a small change, perhaps, but I believe it better represents the connection between individual thought and value.